Returning to university has proven to be much of what I expected: challenging, intimidating, exciting, funny, exhausting, and incredibly wonderful, all in greater measure than I expected. Despite missing my hometown area and the people there that I love dearly, I am constantly reminded how blessed and grateful I am for this opportunity.
I am also grateful that this opportunity has come along after some life experience, some maturation of my thoughts and attitudes. While I'll never say I've "arrived" and have therefore learned all there is to understand about myself (FAR from that!) I do know myself better than the last time I was in college. So I know that I'm an overachiever, that I have a tendency to throw myself in tasks- immersing myself in fulfilling them to the highest degree that I am confident that I can earn the grade of A.
But this is not always positive, because it is sometimes to the sacrifice of enjoying and learning from the process, or from challenging myself beyond what I know I am capable of completing well. Failure is not an option, but in this mindset neither is challenging myself to do something that could be extraordinarily great. Or something that even in failure, teaches me more than the most beautiful, safe A ever could.
This time around, when I feel myself over-working and over-analyzing and sinking into that mindset, I stop. And I go to the gym, go for a walk, notice the bright sunshine and blue sky and my cozy studio and homey apartment. I try to stop and just be in that moment, that minute- and be grateful for this blessing. Knowing that tomorrow isn't even promised, that today has enough for me to do. And most of the assignments and tasks of grad school are things I want to do anyways! (They're just packed into a little tighter schedule than I'd set for myself, and they do happen to be graded...)
So what an opportunity- I get to do things I like doing, challenge myself to try crazy things, and earn a Master's in the process. Back to my original comment: I am incredibly grateful, and in this mindset I want to pursue these opportunities with great joy!